Road Trip From (Censored)
by GreatReader3
Summary: Holly decides to go above ground on her day off so that her and Artemis get to hang out, which happens never. The thing is, is that this road trip is full of surprises!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is a two-shot based on one of my own road trips while bringing my sister and her boyfriend to college. **

**Disclaimer: I am not Eoin Colfer. Do you understand? I also do not own McDonalds and I don't believe there is a Way Past Dublin Fun **

* * *

Artemis Fowl the Second sat at his desk, trying to figure out some complex algebraic problem, when he heard the doorbell ring. He paid no mind to it and continued. Until he heard a voice. Holly's voice.

"Well, Butler I had a day off and decided to do something fun in the human world. I was hoping Arty-" This made Artemis twitch. "-could help me." Artemis listened closely as Butler answered.

"I think he is busy Holly-" This totally freaked Artemis out. He was hoping to spend some face-to-face time with her. No, he was not in love, he just hadn't seen her in awhile. It would be just his luck that Butler would drive her away. In fact, he didn't wait, he opened the door quickly and ran down the hall, down the stairs and into the foyer all the while screaming:

"NO!NO!NO! Don't leave!" Holly burst out in laughter when she saw him and Butler _tried_ to keep from laughing. Tried is the key word there. Artemis was immediately embarrassed.

"I am not busy." He finished, trying to stop them from laughing. It did quite the opposite. They looked at each other (Holly and Butler) and burst out in tears and laughter. Artemis huffed, annoyed. I mean who wouldn't be?

"Where do you want to go, Holly?" Holly stopped laughing, well almost.

"I heard there - was an amusement park - way past Dublin - called - Way Past Dublin Fun." The -s were short bursts of laughter. **  
**  
"What about your ears?"

"Foaly's newest invention will temporarily make my ears round and make me taller by about 2 feet." There was no way he was going to get out of this.

"Let's go Butler, Holly," Artemis said, rather glum.

* * *

Holly sat next to Butler in front while Artemis occupied the middle seat in the back of a car. Artemis said the Bentley would attract too much attention to which Holly quickly retorted

"Like a fifteen year old in a suit won't?" There! She said it again. It had been an hour since they left and she was still in a riot about in. Butler was clearly annoyed.

"Holly would you please stop! We're gonna miss the exit!" Bad timing Butler. As he said this, Artemis noted they rolled past Exit 6, their exit.

"Butler, Holly. We just passed it." This was Artemis. Holly and Butler looked at Artemis, well Holly did, Butler just glanced. Then, Holly burst out laughing again.

"Good one, Mud Boy!" She said before Butler gulped.

"Holly, he wasn't kidding." This jolted Holly out of her senses as they read a sign that said:

**Next Exit: 5 **  
**100 Miles Away**

Holly gulped.

"One - one hundred MILES!" She said, stuttering at first before yelling.

"Yup." This came from Butler.

"It's your fault Butler!" Oh, Holly.

"Well, if you hadn't been laughing I wouldn't have told you to stop while missing the exit!" Artemis quickly calculated the time at the speed they were going and gulped again. Holly and Butler stopped for a moment.

"We should reach it in 2 hours." Holly stared at him while Butler drove in disbelief. They had been on the road for 1 hour already.

"Access road!" Butler said quickly, jolting Holly and Artemis from their grief.

"What?" They both said at once.

"Behind every plaza is an access road to the local town." He said this as they rolled by the plaza. Artemis whipped out his phone.

"Great!" Holly complained. "With our luck the next one will be an hour away."

"1 1/2 actually." Artemis said calmly but they could tell there was a hint of panic.

"Let's go to the access road." Butler said, and for once in this trip... Holly **DIDN'T ARGUE! WOW!**

* * *

Holly's no arguing streak didn't last long. By the time they reached the next plaza, she and Artemis had had 5 fights and her and Butler 2. All in all, Holly had 7 fights in 1 1/2 hours. Go Holly! Butler pulled into the plaza and entered through the trucking area.

"The access road is in back, and the trucking area is the only way there." He explained as he searched for the road. Holly and Artemis searched as well. Surprisingly, Artemis with the untrained eye found it.

"Behind the fence!" He exclaimed and Butler immediately pulled near the fence and searched with his eyes.

"Yes. But there is that small hole as the gate is closed and locked." Butler explained.

"Can we fit?" Holly asked as Butler pulled forward.

"No..." Holly and Artemis groaned as Butler left the plaza.

"What can we do now?" Holly asked and Butler sighed.

"Drive." He replied and Holly moaned in emotional pain. Then Artemis's big brain did something useful. He got an idea.

"We could make an illegal U-Turn." Butler immediately sped up and pulled over to the left lane.

"Why is it illegal?" Holly inquired.

"You have to pay. They want to make sure you don't cheat them out of their money," was Artemis's reply. Butler sighed. Every time a road would come up, he would try to slow down, but a car would speed up to be right behind them and then PASSED him after the availability was gone. This happened for 5 cars straight.

"We're never gonna make it out of here." He said and as a stroke of luck, no car was behind him when the opportunity came. He immediately slowed down and swung onto the dirt road. He waited at the edge but no car would let him go. He waited and waited and a thought caught in Holly's mind and stuck there.

"What if the police find us?" She spoke what everyone was thinking. As on cue, a space was finally available and Butler pulled out.

"We shaved 40 minutes on our arrival time." Artemis said.

"Let's roll," Holly replied and Butler drove faster

* * *

**I understand this is probably OOC but it is mainly written for humor, and isn't meant to be taken seriously. **


	2. Chapter 2

"That was awesome! Right, Arty?" Holly exclaimed as Artemis, Butler and her headed towards the car. Holly was eating ice cream and was absolutely ecstatic. Artemis, on the other hand, had a green face and Butler just had a shocked look on his face. Here may be the time for some backup information.

They just went on a ride named Up, Down, Down. It consisted of a hill, 2800 feet up and 3200 feet down, and many sharp turns close to the ground and many loop de loops. Holly ALMOST didn't go on, but then she threatened to bash the head of the guy manning the machine into the pavement. When that didn't work, she threatened to drag him up the maintenance stairs to the top of the hill and drop him headfirst down from there. Apparently, the guy thought she was serious because she got on. Isn't she a bucket of sunshine? At the end of the ride, Holly wanted to go on again, Artemis was about to throw up everywhere, and Butler was actually AFRAID of the ride! Yeah, BUTLER was AFRAID of it. Needless to say, they didn't go on again. Holly was a little sad but understood.

Artemis didn't answer straight away, afraid that he would vomit all over himself. Holly let him have the front seat, so that he didn't throw up all over himself even though she thought that would be hilarious. Finally after 15 minutes, he responded.

"No, Holly, that was NOT awesome. And more importantly, don't call me Arty."

"How is not calling you Arty more important-" Artemis was glad she didn't say Arty and let out a breath of relief. "-Arty?" Holly smiled deviously as Artemis sighed. This would be a fight for another day. But first-

"I'm hungry." Okay, not his best sentence.

"Arty, I'm not sure that's a proper sentence." Holly said jokingly. The Arty in question just sighed.

"It contains a subject, I'm, and a predicate, hungry, so therefore it is a proper sentence."

"Gods, Mr. Can't Take A Joke. Anyway, I heard Mcdonalds is good and cheap."

"No way in Haven."

"Why not?"

"Because it is a fast food joint so of course it's food will be horrible and greasy."

"Have you even ever been there?"

"No, and I would like to keep it like that."

"Come on! For me, Artemis?"

"No."

"Pleaseeee?" Artemis looked back to tell her no to her face and sighed. She had a puppy dog face.

"Fineeee. One time though. Butler head towards the nearest Mcdonalds." Butler looked shocked, again.

"I never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth, sir."

"Me neither, old friend."

* * *

15 minutes later, Holly was happily munching on fries, Artemis was looking at a chicken nugget in disgust, and Butler was still shocked.

"This is horrible. I bet it isn't real chicken!" Artemis exclaimed in disgust, never breaking his stare at the chicken nugget.

"Of course it isn't, Arty!" Holly exclaimed joyfully. "But these fries are awesome!" That's when the beeping started. Artemis looked at his seatbelt in comfusion.

"Weird." He stated.

"Not really." Butler replied. The other two occupants of the car stared at him weirdly. "The car overheated." Holly gasped and Artemis handed out commands. Well, ONE command that is.

"Get to the gas station." Butler immediately pulled over to the gas station across the street. Artemis and Butler both got out and started examining the engine. Holly just shrugged, finished her fries and got out.

"What do you two know about cars?" She inquired. Artemis shrugged.

"Not much? How about you Butler?"

"They didn't teach us much about cars in Madame Ko's Academy." Artemis looked confused.

"Really?"

"They figured we could call a guy. We focused more on disabling the guy if he or she showed a threat not figure out how he's fixing it."

"Ah." They studied the engine.

"Do you need help?" All three of them turned around, and Butler jumped in front of Artemis. There was an old guy standing in front of them. Artemis was first to gather his composure.

"Yes, thank you sir." The guy walked over to the car and started examining it. Butler and Holly watched his actions carefully. Artemis was focused on figuring out how he asserted what was wrong. After tinkering around, he made a verdict.

"You're water is frozen. You'll need antifreeze and some more water."

"Why?" Artemis asked, shocking the old guy. Needless to say, Artemis wasn't exactly happy at his verdict and showed it.

"The antifreeze to unfreeze the current water and the added water will help the anti freezer's effect go faster. Do you want me to check the oil as well?"

"You might as well." Artemis accepted with a huff. The man tinkered a little more. He came back with a shocking verdict.

"You're out of oil."

"What!" Artemis half asked, half exclaimed.

"You're out of-"

"I heard you! Completely out?"

"Not a drip left." Artemis sighed.

"How many quarts?"

"4." Artemis groaned. He started out towards the store with Butler following. Holly shrugged again and followed.

* * *

"13 dollars!" Artemis exclaimed when he say the price for the antifreeze.

"No, it's 13 cents." Holly said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Artemis glared at her.

"OK, not the time." She muttered and looked at the antifreeze.

"It is a big bottle." Holly added. Artemis glared at her again.

"OK, I'll shut up." Artemis nodded and looked back at the bottle.

"I can't afford that." Both Holly and Butler looked at him weirdly. "I don't have it on me." He explained further. Holly and Butler nodded in understanding, well sort of.

"You don't have a credit card on you?" Holly asked.

"No."

"Oh."

"And we have to buy 4 quarts of oil too."

"I wonder..." Artemis started.

* * *

"Why not!" Artemis demanded. He was fighting with the cashier about whether he could just give him the credit card number.

"I could, but it's against policy!" The cashier squealed. Artemis rubbed his temples.

"Holly." He said and Holly smiled. She clearly understood what Holly. meant. She pushed Artemis aside and stood on her tippy toes so that the cashier could see her.

"Listen Mr. whatever you're name is, if you don't take this credit card number I will pull you out by your ear and bash your head into the gas pump, do you understand me." Even though she had a serious look on her face, the cashier laughed. You had to feel bad. For the cashier.

* * *

So now, Holly was holding the cashier's head to the gas pump. She had just dragged him out by the ear to the gas pump.

"You got one more chance, mister!" She exclaimed. The cashier shrieked a very girly shriek.

"OK, OK! You win!" The cashier squealed and Holly let go of him. Then they all headed towards the cash register.

* * *

"So... how was your day above ground?" Trouble asked when Holly arrived underground.

"Well, Butler missed the exit, we had to make an illegal U-Turn, Artemis almost threw up, I threatened 2 Mud Men, and the car broke down." Holly said and left Trouble in the dust with a confused look on his face.

"You threatened 2 Mud Men and Artemis almost threw up?" He muttered under his breath. "She'll talk about it when she feels like it." He concluded and walked away.

* * *

**Hehe. I had fun writing that! **


End file.
